When was the last day i posted here? Seriously .. anyone still reading my blog? yuhuuu .. anyone?hmm..somehow I do feel good that no one is actually reading it .. Feel like writing some unnecessary post today..so, Pardon me.

I just came back from a pub celebrating my bf's ex birthday. Suppose to be a happy night .. well .. im not sad either now .. just ... just ... some kind of mixed feeling ... How should I say... 

We started the celebration with a dinner at some isolated thai restaurant .. everything went fine there .. is just lil torturing during the dinner, coz 15 people has to fit into a table .. can u imagine? everyone was like "canned sardine". After that we decided to have a drinking session .. struggling which pub to go as we cannot please everyone with suggested places. Finally we went to a place that we go very often.

There, I ordered a Peach Margarita .. was a good drink as i seriously dont feel like drinking tonight. Had a bad head pain. Everyone was enjoying .. chit chating .. playing cards. And then came the fixed feeling i had.

He came to me asking if he can buy his ex a drink as a birthday present. So i said .. why not? So,he ordered a bottle of tequila .. everyone took at least a shot.. For those unlucky ones... maybe more ... now .. everyone is tipsy ... can see some started to move around .. dancing .. making stupid faces .. including me ? well ... im still sober .. but i try to blend into the group.

Everyone down their own tequila ...  tequila has finished .. he ordered jagermeister this time ... asking her to push the shooter into the mixer ... i can see how much he wanted his ex to be happy  tonight. i can see how tonight he gets closer and closer to his ex .. i can even see how he touches her hips ... and her hand ... like holding hands... standing so close to each other, talking ... 

problem? yea .. hmmm .. not really ... 

What really bother me is .. I don't feel angry ..  no idea why .. I just feel lil sad .. yes .. bit sad... Perhaps i already know for like decades, that she is one of the exes that he really loves ... used to love alot? hmmm .. 

at the same time .. his ex's bf came n drink with me. I wonder he saw the same thing? What did he see? Things i saw? Whats on his mind ...? 

Nothing can be done. so, forget it n drink !

 Too many questions in my head. So i decided to write it down, thinking if i could look for answers to the questions tonight. 

well ... He is drunk .. for quite some time i have never seen him making himself thisssssssss drunk. Not even on our birthday. 

Goodnight world. Its 415am.