From : Things I want my daughter to know.
"My lovely Lisa,
We're the closest, you and me, in many ways. I think we're alot alike. You're my first born child, and the person who first showed me the miracle of this love a mother should has for her child. You made every morning a Christmas morning. Thank you for that. There's lots of things I dont even think I need to say to you because I think you know them already. I love you. So much. You are the strongest I think. Too strong for you own good, maybe. Ask Andy about that sometime. By the way, I love him, did I ever tell you that? So to you, my darling girl, a request instead a bequest. Look after your sisters for me. Look after Mark. And let someone to look after you.
Mom"
Andy answered the phone on the second ring. Lisa's voice sounded muffled and hoarse.
' That was quick,' she said.
' I tot it might be you.'
' It's me.'
' Hello, me.'
' What you doing?'
' Watching footie. You?'
' Calling you.'
' How was it?'
' I'm sorry I asked you not to come.'
' That's ok.'
' Its not ok, Andy. It was stupid. I dont know what I was thinking.'
' I dont think you really were thinking. I dont mean that sound unkind. I just mean that it wasnt really about thinking, it was more about feeling. You wanted to do it wihout me, on your own.'
' Dont be so bloody reasonable with me!'
' Sorry.'
' And dont be bloody sorry!'
Silence.
' Its me who should be sorry.' She paused. ' I wished you had been here.'
' Me too.'
For just a while Lisa sat with the phone and listened to Andy breathing, which was almost comforting as an embrace. Then she sighed.
' So I guess I'll see you tomorrow.'
' I'll be here.' He was being so careful of her.
' Goodnight.'
' Goodnight, Lisa.'
He'd heard a break in her voice when she said that last word, and that was all he needed. He hadn't been watching the football. He'd been sitting on the sofa in front of the football, but wasn't the same thing. Now he stood up and grabbed his car keys from the stand by the front door and went where his mind and his heart had been all day.
As he drove, a lil too fast via the M25, he listened to the radio, a lil too loud, and wondered, not for the first time in the last two years, what the hell was going on in Lisa's head. She wasn't like any woman he'd ever known before. The highs were higher and the lows were lower........
...... So when she said she wanted to do this funeral thing alone, he went along with it, and let her do it alone. And her voice broke on the mobile, he broke everything and went to her. And when he parked and climbed out, the car door sounding incredibly loud in the dark, still silence, and caught the twitched of the curtains in the bedroom with the light still on, and waited for her to open the door, and picked her up, clutching her tightly and silently to him, he knew that it had all been the right thing to do. For both of them.
<3
